apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
