Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
