My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
