this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
