he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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