I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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