i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
