his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize