a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
