Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
