Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
