Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
