See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
