also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
