Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
