i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Someone signed my nipple.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
