I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
