update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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