dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
