I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
