Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
