i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
