If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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