I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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