We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
