how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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