I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
