Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
