you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
