Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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