Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
