I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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