I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
