The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
