Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
