Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
