All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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