You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
