You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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