I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
