he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
