I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
