Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
