I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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