u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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