I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
