you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so much tequila, so little girl.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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