Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
