You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
