thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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