we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
