btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If I die, sorry about rent.
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