Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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