Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
