This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
