Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
