when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize