if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the condom got lost in my hair
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
