Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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