Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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