I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
