was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
