You don't have asthma, your pregnant
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
