She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
