They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
