Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
