Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
