dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
