Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
