I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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