let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
